Soooooo...it's been a bit of an interesting week!Tuesday morning around 5:30 I woke up with an extremely horrible pain in my upper arm. I couldn't even move it or it would start shaking! It was like a weird throbbing feeling similar to what I felt in the MTC when I got my shot...kinda weird. I tried massaging it, but that just made it worse. The whole rest of my body felt very weak and sore, and I was feeling very nauseous and dizzy. We walked up to the Trail Center slowly to work out as I carefully held my arm because every time I moved it it would just ache. Anyways...got to the Trail Center, and barfed in the bathroom. Pretty disgusting. So we got back to the house and I went back to bed, but then eventually came to the Trail Center because we have what we call a sick room down in the basement where the chat room is, so I was able to hang out there all day and get some rest. Luckily we only had district meeting and then Trail Center that day, so I didn't miss a whole lot. And then 2 days after that I was still sick, and it was pretty awful. I was sleeping most of the time at the Trail Center, and thank goodness our schedule was inspired and we were serving at the Trail Center upstairs and on chat most of the time, so Heavenly Father obviously knew that I would be sick and wouldn't be able to go anywhere. The whole time I felt so hopeless, lonely, worthless, miserable...everything. I felt like it was such a waste of a week! I was extremely emotionally and physically unstable. Since I was sick and not able to keep myself busy, Satan really tried getting a hold of me, and it was very difficult. When I wasn't sleeping, I had a lot of time to think. It made me feel pretty homesick, and I started thinking of how unfair it is for missionaries to have to lose all contact with family except for emailing and letters...I then started thinking and realizing the reason for that is because without it, we wouldn't truly learn how to access the Atonement and become powerful missionaries like the Lord wants us to become. When we are not able to call our family members and friends, and we are feeling lonely, we HAVE to turn to the Lord for comfort and strength. I had to access the Atonement several times before my mission, but not nearly as much as I do now. I understand it SO much better now, and because I have received so much comfort and hope from that, I want so much more to share that with others and help others to be able to experience the Atonement as well. I started realizing what a wimp I am...I am so lucky! I have the best family and friends in the entire world who love me and support me and I will see them again in only 16 months! We have some investigators specifically Teresa who we have been working with since I got here...we have set her for baptism twice now, but she cannot give up smoking. At first it just made me frustrated...but then I realized after we had a good long talk with her that the reason she smokes is because she thinks it's the only way she can have happiness. She has no kids, never been married or even had a boyfriend for that matter, and her mom is really the only family member still around that lives close and she is not kind to Teresa at ALL. It makes me so sad! I have come to love Teresa so much and really come to realize why I (we) want to baptize her. She truly is a daughter of God and Heavenly Father loves her SO much just like He loves me. Gosh dang it...I just love being a missionary! It's still really hard sometimes, and I still feel homesick at times...but it's so worth it! I have become so much closer to my Heavenly Father, and I know I wouldn't be able to do His work without Him. He is so wonderful...I really love Him :) Haha anyways...I'm one rabbling now.
Sister Ferrara :)